i'm ryan and making mac & cheese on my own is my greatest achievement

cis (him/his)

1 234


bjokr:

introducing myself in the first day of school

image

lunarobverse:

A brilliant metaphor

averagefairy:

i literally cannot take people over 30 anymore thinking technology is “sucking the magic out of life” listen grandma i can look up how to say anything in any language in under a second i can see my best friend face to face in real time even though she lives across an ocean i could spend the rest of my life watching different videos of cats and probably never see the same one twice if thats not magical to you WHAT IS  

hod-the-blind:

dx11:

mancermechro:

not sure why people don’t automatically say “shapeshifting” when asked what they want their superpower to be. you could become anyone you want. even fictional characters. anyone. cosplay would always be spot-on. dysphoria wouldn’t exist. perfection

rob a bank and disguise yourself as a stray pen lying on a shelf when the cops come

A pen with a shit ton of money lying next to it.

citgo:

rosaparking:

GRAPES ARE DISGUSTING

image

chicagno:

oh i think i will animals

megay:

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen

spongebob is NOT hot. squidward is debatable.

positivelyindecent:

stonzie:

Okay, legit fucking crying.

You bet your elderly testicles I did.

ruinedchildhood:

Mom: when I was your age….

Me: image

chompyface:

once in 4th grade a teacher wouldnt let this guy go to the toilet so he sat there and pissed his pants and i have never had more respect for someone in my life