i'm ryan and making mac & cheese on my own is my greatest achievement
introducing myself in the first day of school
A brilliant metaphor
i literally cannot take people over 30 anymore thinking technology is “sucking the magic out of life” listen grandma i can look up how to say anything in any language in under a second i can see my best friend face to face in real time even though she lives across an ocean i could spend the rest of my life watching different videos of cats and probably never see the same one twice if thats not magical to you WHAT IS
not sure why people don’t automatically say “shapeshifting” when asked what they want their superpower to be. you could become anyone you want. even fictional characters. anyone. cosplay would always be spot-on. dysphoria wouldn’t exist. perfection
rob a bank and disguise yourself as a stray pen lying on a shelf when the cops come
A pen with a shit ton of money lying next to it.
oh i think i will animals
HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS
STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)
STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”
STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen
Mom: when I was your age….